Top 18 if i see him i give him a gift

We need more options. And among those options needs to be the choice to die. This is the choice I want to have. This is the choice my mother wants to have. This is the choice my dad should have had when he was of sound mind and could say, “I don’t want to live like that. If that time comes, please let me go.” My parents never had the tough conversation about what to do in this kind of situation. My dad never explicitly said it to me, but I know he wouldn’t want to live like this.

Washington, where we live, has a “death with dignity” law where patients with a terminal illness can request lethal drugs. According to FindLaw, “Individual hospitals may prohibit participation in euthanasia, but must clearly state their policy … The statute requires a series of requests and waiting periods, while requiring the patient to be of sound mind and capable of clear communication.”

Neither Parkinson’s nor dementia are considered terminal. My father is also not of sound mind or capable of clear communication, so he does not qualify. And we cannot make the choice to release him from pain and confusion because it would be considered murder.

Why is our goal to live as long as possible? Is it fear of death? Or is it truly just a cynical way of making billions of dollars for the pharmaceutical and senior care industries? I wish I were more naive, but I’ve come to believe it’s the latter. And if your life is miserable and unlikely to ever improve, is that really living?

I think about the pets we’ve had to put to sleep. I think of my childhood dog, Greybeard, looking up at me with his soulful eyes on his last day of life. He couldn’t walk, he wasn’t eating, he was in pain. I think of our cat, Mao, who was unable to control her bowels and had lost several pounds in a matter of months. Her kidneys were failing. We put these loved ones out of their misery. It was awful ― and it was the kindest thing to do. I know my father is not a pet, but why don’t we give our human loved ones the same gift we give the animals we love?

My father can’t go to the bathroom by himself. He can’t shower by himself. He doesn’t know where he is or why. He can’t have a conversation. He is in constant pain. He lives in a completely alternate reality that the rest of us have no access to. He falls when he tries to stand up. He is confused, agitated and sometimes angry. He has also become childlike and often adorable, still cracking jokes and making people laugh. Like me, this is his favorite thing to do. This makes our situation even more confusing. But one thing is absolutely clear: He is not going to get better. He will never be the person he was again. And though he is technically alive, I challenge anyone to claim that he is actually living.

If we had the option, my family would choose death for my father. A gentle drifting away. An end to his confusion, pain and lack of dignity. And while I know the grief of losing him will destroy me, watching him suffer and continually losing him to these cruel diseases ― watching him continue to live with no quality of life ― is worse.

Jen Freymond is a writer, podcaster, mother, educator and total jackass from Olympia, Washington. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s, The Offing, The Belladonna, Points in Case, The Rumpus, and many more places. Her podcast, “I Never Saw That,” is based on the two years she spent in a therapeutic boarding school in the mid-90s and the pop culture she missed as a result.

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