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12.1 Revision

Revising and editing are the two tasks you undertake to significantly improve your essay. Both are very important elements of the writing process. You may think that a completed first draft means that little improvement is needed. However, even experienced writers need to improve their drafts and rely on peers during revising and editing. You may know that athletes miss catches, fumble balls, or overshoot goals. Dancers forget steps, turn too slowly, or miss beats. For both athletes and dancers, the more they practise, the stronger their performance will become. Web designers seek better images, a more clever design, or a more appealing background for their web pages. Writing has the same capacity to profit from improvement and revision.

You should revise and edit in stages: do not expect to catch everything in one go. If each time you review your essay you focus on a different aspect of construction, you will be more likely to catch any mistakes or identify any issues. Throughout this chapter, you will see a number of checklists containing specific things to look for with each revision. For example, you will first look at how the overall paper and your ideas are organized.

In the second section of this chapter, you will focus more on editing: correcting the mechanical issues. Also at the end of the chapter, you will see a comprehensive but more general list of things you should be looking for.

Understanding the Purpose of Revising and Editing

Revising and editing allow you to examine two important aspects of your writing separately, so that you can give each task your undivided attention.

When you revise, you take a second look at your ideas. You might add, cut, move, or change information in order to make your ideas clearer, more accurate, more interesting, or more convincing.

When you edit, you take a second look at how you expressed your ideas. You add or change words. You fix any problems in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. You improve your writing style. You make your essay into a polished, mature piece of writing, the end product of your best efforts.

Tip

How do you get the best out of your revisions and editing? Here are some strategies that writers have developed to look at their first drafts from a fresh perspective. Try them throughout the writing process; then keep using the ones that bring results.

Take a break. You are proud of what you wrote, but you might be too close to it to make changes. Set aside your writing for a few hours or even a day until you can look at it objectively.

Ask someone you trust for feedback and constructive criticism.

Pretend you are one of your readers. Are you satisfied or dissatisfied? Why?

For many people, the words critic, critical, and criticism provoke only negative feelings that make them blush, grumble, or shout. However, as a writer and a thinker, you need to learn to be critical of yourself in a positive way and have high expectations for your work. You also need to train your eye and trust your ability to fix what needs fixing. To do this, you need to teach yourself where to look.

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Revising Your Paper: Organization, Cohesion, and Unity

When writing a research paper, it is easy to become overly focused on editorial details, such as the proper format for bibliographical entries. These details do matter. However, before you begin to address them, it is important to spend time reviewing and revising the content of the paper.

A good research paper is both organized and cohesive. Organization means that your argument flows logically from one point to the next. Cohesion means that the elements of your paper work together smoothly and naturally. In a cohesive research paper, information from research is seamlessly integrated with the writer’s ideas.

Revise to Improve Organization

When you revise to improve organization, you look at the flow of ideas throughout the essay as a whole and within individual paragraphs. You check to see that your essay moves logically from the introduction to the body paragraphs to the conclusion, and that each section reinforces your thesis. Use Checklist 12.1: Revise for Organization to help you.

Checklist 12.1: Revise for Organization

At the essay level

Does my introduction proceed clearly from the opening to the thesis?

Does each body paragraph have a clear main idea that relates to the thesis?

Do the main ideas in the body paragraphs flow in a logical order? Is each paragraph connected to the one before it?

Do I need to add or revise topic sentences or transitions to make the overall flow of ideas clearer?

Does my conclusion summarize my main ideas and revisit my thesis?

At the paragraph level

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Does the topic sentence clearly state the main idea?

Do the details in the paragraph relate to the main idea?

Do I need to recast any sentences or add transitions to improve the flow of sentences?

Jorge reread his draft paragraph by paragraph. As he read, he highlighted the main idea of each paragraph so he could see whether his ideas proceeded in a logical order. For the most part, the flow of ideas was clear. However, he did notice that one paragraph did not have a clear main idea. It interrupted the flow of the writing. During revision, Jorge added a topic sentence that clearly connected the paragraph to the one that had preceded it. He also added transitions to improve the flow of ideas from sentence to sentence.

Read the following paragraphs twice, the first time without Jorge’s changes, and the second time with them.

Tip

Writers choose transitions carefully to show the relationships between ideas—for instance, to make a comparison or elaborate on a point with examples. Make sure your transitions suit your purpose and avoid overusing the same ones.

Creating Coherence

Careful writers use transitions to clarify how the ideas in their sentences and paragraphs are related. These words and phrases help the writing flow smoothly. Adding transitions is not the only way to improve coherence, but they are often useful and give a mature feel to your essays. Earlier chapters have discussed using transitions for specific purposes in the planning of your writing. Table 12.1: Common Transitional Words and Phrases groups many common transitions according to their purpose.

Table 12.1: Common Transitional Words and Phrases According to Purpose

Transitions That Show Sequence or Time after before later afterward before long meanwhile as soon as finally next at first first, second, third soon at last in the first place then Transitions That Show Position above across at the bottom at the top behind below beside beyond inside near next to opposite to the left, to the right, to the side under where Transitions That Show a Conclusion indeed hence in conclusion in the final analysis therefore thus Transitions That Continue a Line of Thought consequently furthermore additionally because besides the fact following this idea further in addition in the same way moreover looking further considering…, it is clear that Transitions That Change a Line of Thought but yet however nevertheless on the contrary on the other hand Transitions That Show Importance above all best especially in fact more important >most important most worst Transitions That Introduce the Final Thoughts in a Paragraph or Essay finally last in conclusion most of all least of all last of all All Purpose Transitions to Open Paragraphs or to Connect Ideas Inside Paragraphs admittedly at this point certainly granted it is true generally speaking in general in this situation no doubt no one denies obviously of course to be sure undoubtedly unquestionably Transitions that Introduce Examples for instance for example such as Transitions That Clarify the Order of Events or Steps first, second, third generally, furthermore, finally in the first place, also, last in the first place, furthermore, finally in the first place, likewise, lastly

When Mariah (who you were introduced to in Chapters 5 and 6) revised her essay for unity, she examined her paragraph about televisions to check for coherence. She looked for places where she needed to add a transition or perhaps reword the text to make the flow of ideas clear. In the version that follows, she has already deleted the sentences that were off topic.

Tip

Many writers make their revisions on a printed copy and then transfer them to the version on screen. They conventionally use a small arrow called a caret (^) to show where to insert an addition or correction.

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Revise to Improve Cohesion

When you revise to improve cohesion, you analyze how the parts of your paper work together. You look for anything that seems awkward or out of place. Revision may involve deleting unnecessary material or rewriting parts of the paper so that the out of place material fits in smoothly.

In a research paper, problems with cohesion usually occur when a writer has trouble integrating source material. If facts or quotations have been awkwardly dropped into a paragraph, they distract or confuse the reader instead of working to support the writer’s point. Overusing paraphrased and quoted material has the same effect. Use Checklist 12.2: Revise for Cohesion to review your essay for cohesion.

Checklist 12.2: Revise for Cohesion

Does the opening of the paper clearly connect to the broader topic and thesis? Make sure entertaining quotes or anecdotes serve a purpose.

Have I included support from research for each main point in the body of my paper?

Have I included introductory material before any quotations? Quotations should never stand alone in a paragraph.

Does paraphrased and quoted material clearly serve to develop my own points?

Do I need to add to or revise parts of the paper to help the reader understand how certain information from a source is relevant?

Are there any places where I have overused material from sources?

Does my conclusion make sense based on the rest of the paper? Make sure any new questions or suggestions in the conclusion are clearly linked to earlier material.

As Jorge reread his draft, he looked to see how the different pieces fit together to prove his thesis. He realized that some of his supporting information needed to be integrated more carefully and decided to omit some details entirely. Read the following paragraph, first without Jorge’s revisions and then with them.

Jorge decided that his comment about pizza and birthday cake came across as subjective and was not necessary to make his point, so he deleted it. He also realized that the quotation at the end of the paragraph was awkward and ineffective. How would his readers know who Kwon was or why her opinion should be taken seriously? Adding an introductory phrase helped Jorge integrate this quotation smoothly and establish the credibility of his source.

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